#I honestly forgot this account existed

[maplemoonarts]

My favorite design that I've made... Kaleidoscope. I haven't made many of this because o the process it takes to make it as well as how long it takes (almost a month, honestly). But 2025 is a new year, and I want to make a TON of this design.

[canadianwiffleball]

shoutout to the person that interacted with my probably year-old post abt marjorie wc sinclair for bringing me back from the dead

[wantburger]

So uhh..

Dr Gonne, eh?

[sanguine-melancholia]

👻 corpsecourse Follow

dni if you support relationships between vampires and the vampire they sired. i am so serious, i dont care what your justification is, that is an unforgivable power imbalance. its almost as bad as vampire human relationships (and if you support that i hope you get a splinter in the heart)

🧛‍♀️ vampbites Follow

op what the fuck is your problem? more maggots in your brain than usual? go out into the real underworld and touch some graveyard dirt. i know at least 7 vampires who are in happy healthy relationships with the vampire who sired them. me included! this may shock you but we started dating when i was human and she was a vamp!

👻 corpsecourse Follow

i hate to tell you this but you're in a toxic relationship and i sincerely hope youre able to get out.

🧛‍♀️ vampbites Follow

HELLO???????

🦇 battybrained Follow

i keep seeing people saying this shit and honestly i think it stems from the infantalization of humans. humans are capable of making decisions for themselves. do some vampires abuse their powers over humans? of course! but you cant assume that every single human vampire relationship (or sire and sired relationship for that matter) is some unhealthy power imbalance, especially when you dont even know them!!!

⚰ fangs4fags Follow

i think op is forgetting that humans can be just as harmful to vampires as they can be to humans. dont tell me you completely just forgot about the existence of vampire slayers

🧛‍♂️ coffincreeper Follow

next thing you know op is gonna be saying that a hundred year age gap between fully fledged vampires is problematic

👻 corpsecourse Follow

it literally is. i dont care if you are a 1000 years old vampire, if your significant other is 100 years older than you they have more life experience than you. god you guys are stupid why dont you all step into a sunbeam

🩸 f33d3r Follow

hey guys i just went to ops account and their pinned post was about how they dont consider werewolves part of the monster community cuz theyre not undead. just block and move on it is NOT worth it

🐺vamplovingwolf Follow

isnt it funny how whenever theres some rancid discourse like this its always made by coffinscrews

[moths-in-a-coat]

ugghh

[dwonfilm]

Teaching tech. | Soldier Boy x Reader

Summary: Butcher tasked you with the job of teaching a freshly thawed Ben, aka Soldier Boy, how to use technology. First off you started with teaching him about the iPhone.

Warnings: bit of Solider Boy being Soldier Boy but otherwise, mostly fluff.

“Dammit!” [Y/N] heard Ben’s voice from the other room and she sighed. Next was a smash and that made her rush back into the bedroom. Immediately Ben’s eyes lifted up to see her coming in and he scoffed. “I didn’t break the cocksucking thing this time.” He stated plainly. “Good,” she answered. “I don’t have the money to buy you a fourth phone.” She moved to sit on the bed next to where he was currently sitting. “This shit ain’t a phone, it’s a thin ass rock with futuristic shit inside. Phones have a base and a receiver or they were these massive bricks with buttons—not whatever the fuck a touch screen is-“ Ben ranted, but [Y/N] just laughed. “Yeah, they were those things once but this is 2022. Life’s changed a lot and eventually you’re gonna need to learn all these things.” She spoke, picking up the phone that was on the bed between them, swiping up to unlock it. Bits of her [Y/H/C] hair covered her face while her attention focused on the screen. Ben just watched, a grumpy expression on his facial features. “How’d you get stuck doing this anyway? Where’s the Cum Guzzler or the Cheerio?” She laughed, Ben’s nicknames for people were always pretty humorous. “Hughie is scared of you and Butcher can barely explain anything in the entire history of life’s existence.” Ben gently laughed at her answer. Fingers moved across the screen, making selections that she didn’t think were necessary to explain to him at the moment. “So, the bean pole’s afraid of me huh?” He asked, not really expecting an answer. However it did bring up another question. “Why aren’t you scared of me?” His tone seemed indifferent but there was a hint of something more inside his eyes. Something she was oblivious to since her own were focused on the screen of the phone in her hands. Though, she slowly gazed up from it for a moment. “Honestly,” she began with a pause directly after. It was as if she was attempting to think about how to answer him. “I was at first, a little bit, but I just try to sympathize.” He scoffed almost immediately. “You sympathize with a piece of shit like me? No wonder it’s so easy to get you women in the sack. Jesus Chris-“ She turned her head and shot a glare at him. “You can sympathize with people without wanting to fuck them, for starters.” She rolled her eyes, moving her gaze back to the phone in her hands. “No one’s perfect, not that it’s excusing.. well everything. Despite all that, no one here has any real room to judge too harshly.” Ben quirked a brow at that. “That so? Don’t tell me a pretty lil’ thing like you has baggage!” Part of him was sort of mocking her, though he was getting curious. “Moving on, I made the email for you and set up an account for you to use the phone.” She began to explain, looking over to him but finding a confused expression on his face. “E-what?” He asked plainly, green eyes gazing into her own. “Right, I forgot you have no grasp on the basics.” She turned towards him now.

“Email is pretty easy, it’s like sending letters to people—only digitally and in a much faster time period. It used to take y’know, days, weeks for those to be delivered. Now it just takes seconds—also instead of a home address you just need their email address. Does that make sense at least somewhat?” Her voice was gentle, not sarcastic or cruel. [Y/E/C] eyes meeting his green ones as he was silent for a moment. “Yeah, I guess.. I mean it seems straightforward enough—though doing that stupid shit is gonna be harder than understanding what the fuck it is.” He answered. “Well, yeah, but we’ll get there.” [Y/N] offered a half smile at him. “No one’s asking you to be Steve Jobs after a day,” she tried to encourage him but his face was blank yet again. “Who the fuck is that?” He asked, to which she sighed gently. “…never mind, it’s not important. What I meant is that none of us are expecting you to know how to use it all within the blink of an eye.” She replied before moving her gaze back to the phone. He peered over at the phone while knitting his brows together. None of it made any sense to him. Now the screen was black again, before the stupid symbol popped up. “..the fuck is it doing now?” He asked, moving his glance to her face. “It’s updating the software,” she spoke before shifting it to an analogy he’d understand. “..which is like maintenance on a car kind of—it makes sure everything’s working and also is.. replacing the parts in a sense. Fixing things that weren’t working and replacing them with things that will work and hopefully work better.” It took a second, but the analogy did help. “Makes sense I guess.” He spoke, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes watched for a moment before he became bored, so, he did what he usually did and turned his attention to whoever was occupying the space with him. “So tell me, how’d a gorgeous gal like you get tangled up with a fucker like Butcher anyhow?” She laughed softly but she didn’t look up at him this time. Mostly to hide the fact that she was blushing just a little. [Y/N] knew that she shouldn’t be feeling this way, by all accounts this man was still Soldier Boy. He wasn’t a good person, but the more she spent time with him the more she realized he was letting her see the man behind the persona and maybe.. maybe there was more than what he’s done in the past. After all she was preaching sympathy just moments prior. “Flattery will not get you out of the tech lesson, but since it’s updating you’ve got a little wiggle room.” She took a gentle breath before beginning to tell a very condensed version of events. “Becca, Butcher’s wife, she was my mom’s best friend. When my mom got killed in a car wreck, Becca sort of.. became my maternal figure.” Ben nodded, feeling some of the strings attached to his heart pulling. “I’m sorry about that, doll.” It was the least he could say. “Where the hell was your dad?” He asked, not knowing subtly if it were to bite him on the ass. She sighed gently. “Couldn’t tell you, never met him.” Ben could sympathize with that in a way, his own father being a piece of shit and all. “Sorry ‘bout that too.” He spoke, keeping his gaze on her own. She simply nodded before the phone’s screen lit up in the bright colors again, signifying that the software update had been completed. Picking the phone up, [Y/N] swiped up to begin the process of actually setting things up. “Okay, back to this-“ she spoke but was immediately cut off by Ben’s loud groaning. “Fuck sakes, is this really necessary?” He grumbled, which caused the woman next to him to roll her eyes. “You already know the answer to that.” Again he grumbled, acting like a mix between a grumpy old man and a stubborn child. “If this was forty years ago and some fine piece of ass was trying to tell me I had to do somethin’..” She turned and her [Y/E/C] eyes met his face with a pointed glare. There was a momentary pause as Ben contemplated whether or not to continue.

However, he was mischievous by nature and so he opted to continue on with his train of thought. “..I’d have grabbed her by her pretty little chin and talked her into getting on her knees so I could show her a better way to use that mouth.” [Y/N] again rolled her eyes. “Anyway,” she brushed it off and moved on immediately though Ben was wearing a little smirk. “Picturing it, aren’t ya’?” He asked, clearly attempting to make the woman flustered. She turned her gaze back towards him with a blank expression upon her face. “Picturing me, punching you in the face? Absolutely I am.” She answered, which had Ben’s smirk fall completely. “You new age women, chicks in my day would’ve been creaming their panties at the chance to get with Soldier Boy.” Ben grumbled, irritation showing on his face. It was amusing to [Y/N] that he thought he’d get her to crumble so easily. Pushing herself up into a better position she’d lean the phone towards the Supe. “Alright, so I made two emails—one has the Soldier Boy name on it, just in case there’s.. I don’t know people that have business offers or something. Granted, that’s if we all live and you don’t get thrown into jail or whatever they do to other Supes and the other is for, well, more personal shit. That’s the one I was telling you about when I mentioned it initially, the one that’s tied into everything on the phone. I downloaded some stuff but now you need to try it.” She handed the phone over to Ben, praying he wasn’t gonna break this one. It was clear that he was trying to hold it gently, which would’ve made her giggle out loud—however the man was in an overly sensitive state and she wasn’t going to push that. “Alright, so tap the icon that says ‘App Store’ and wait for it to open.” [Y/N]’s voice was gentle and Ben nodded, putting his finger over the square with that name underneath it. However he left it there and so the apps began to all shake. “What the fuck is happening?!” He exclaimed, to which she gently moved her hand and pressed the button labeled ‘done’. Now the apps went back to being still and she sighed. Gently she grabbed his index finger and lightly pulled it towards the screen again, Ben wanted to grumble but he was too distracted by how her fingers felt against his own. Where his skin was rough, battle tested and calloused.. hers was soft, maybe a scar here and there but nothing compared to his and the contrast? It was more enjoyable than he’d ever admit out loud. [Y/N] pulled his finger down toward the screen and gently tapped it against the screen to open the app. “You just gotta tap, see.” She spoke, letting go of his finger. “Huh.” He replied, but it wasn’t very loud. “Now typing on these things is probably gonna annoy you, it annoys us all and we’re used to the technology. Just.. try to not freak out and break it yeah? Shit is easy for you to snap, given y’know..” After she said that, she couldn’t help but to chuckle. When she did Ben felt himself smirking just a little. There was a split second where their eyes met and lingered, before she spoke up again. “Alright, so if you just click on this one it’ll take you to the place where you can download them. I think most things that are necessary for now are already there but I wanted you to know how to do it, so.. you like sports right?” She asked, tone kept gentle. “Uh, yeah, obviously little less on the up and up these days.” He replied, to which she nodded. “Alright well type in ‘MLB’ right there in that search bar, click it first though.” [Y/N] explained and for a moment Ben just stared at her, as if she had three heads. Eventually though he moved his gaze to the phone and tapped the screen over the search bar, which brought up the keyboard. “So.. these fucking things are called apps?” He asked, typing the three letters slowly into the bar and then she pointed to the blue button labeled ‘search’, which he tapped before looking up at her again.

“Yeah, they have one for just about everything these days.” She replied, pointing to the button that said ‘get’. Ben tapped it and the symbol to signify it was downloading appeared. Once it had finished, she smiled slightly before reaching underneath his arm for a second. “So, to close an app, you just swipe up like this.” Gently she placed her thumb on the screen and swiped upward to bring the phone back to the Home Screen. “Now, that closes it for the moment. Swiping up in a short motion brings up all the open ones like this-“ she explained, demonstrating. “Once they’re up like this you can swipe up again and fully close them.” She closed all of the currently open apps to demonstrate to him how to do it. “You really think I’m gonna remember all this shit?” He asked, almost glaring when he looked in her direction. It was a lot of information to take in, so she took a gentle breath and locked the phone. “Okay, fair, let’s take a break then.” [Y/N] placed Ben’s phone on the bed between them and slowly pulled out her own. He couldn’t help it, curiosity took hold and he glanced over. “You can put pictures on that thing?” He asked, noticing her Lock Screen photo of a drawing of the moon. Quirking a brow for a moment, she then figured out what he meant. “Oh, yeah! You can. Did you wanna do that on your phone?” Her voice was sweet as their eyes met yet again, bringing back the slight tension that continued to linger between them. “Fuck it, shit looks better than whatever the fuck it comes with.” He replied after a moment or so of silence. “Do you have anything specific you want?” She reached up with her free hand and tucked some of her [Y/H/C] hair behind her ear. Ben’s expression was pensive for a moment or so as he tried to think of anything he’d like to have as a background on the phone. “I dunno, just find something badass—none o’ that girly shit.” She shook her head before thinking herself, trying to figure out something she could use. “I’m gonna go take a leak.” He spoke up, pushing his frame up and off of the bed before grumbling about something and making his way over to the bathroom door. Once he’d closed it, she thought for another second before smiling to herself. Lifting the phone up at a decent angle, she quickly opened the camera app and primped herself slightly—snapping a couple of pictures of herself right after. Flicking through the few she found the one she liked the most and made it his Lock Screen wallpaper. Thumbs darted across the screen and within another two minutes or so, spent entirely on Google, she’d found a nice photo of Ben’s shield. It worked well for a Home Screen.

It wasn’t long after that [Y/N] heard the toilet flush and the sink turn on, seconds passing before the door was pulled open and Ben re-entered the bedroom. Lifting her gaze up to meet him, his green eyes held something she couldn’t quite pinpoint. She gently laid his phone onto the mattress and kept her attention on him while he sat back down onto the bed. “Are we doing more of this shit? ‘Cause I think my fuckin’ brain might implode.” His voice was deep, housing a distinct rasp to it. [Y/N] couldn’t help but to chuckle at the old man antics he was displaying before answering the question. “No, I think we’ll save some lessons for another day. After all, there’s much more than just the phone you’re gonna need to learn.” After she’d spoken, he groaned for what felt like the millionth time. “It’s amazing how you bounce between acting like a senior citizen and acting like a teenage boy.” Her voice held a humorous tone as she again chuckled, it was Ben’s turn to now offer her a pointed glare but there was definitely a layer of amusement behind it. Just as he was about to offer up a retort, the bedroom door was pushed open and Butcher popped his head in. “Oi [Y/N], need ya’ to come help Frenchie with a little project.” His accent was thick and his eyes held a wild expression that was pretty standard for the man. [Y/N] sighed and slowly pushed herself up from the mattress, but turned towards Ben with a gentle smile. “If you have any questions just.. come find me.” He nodded, because his brain wasn’t sure how to react to the little smile on her lips. Sure there was a lot of unholy and downright vulgar thoughts swimming around in his noggin about her, there had been since he laid eyes on her—however there was something more that lingered and that was causing a short circuit in his mind. She turned back to the Brit and groaned. “This better not be anything messy because the last time-“ she was cut off by Butcher’s laugh. “It ain’t, I swear.” [Y/N] rolled her eyes as the two left the room, closing the door behind them. After a couple of minutes Ben remembered [Y/N] lecturing him about locking the goddamned phone, but she had left it unlocked. Pushing the button he heard the clicking noise, but tapped onto the screen to make sure he hadn’t accidentally turned it off somehow—and that’s when he saw it. There underneath the time and the other bullshit, was a picture of her and her smiling face. Since he was by himself, he didn’t have his guard up and his lips curled upward into a smile. “Pretty lil’ lady.” He spoke out loud, his heart feeling something he’d not felt in quite some time.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Hi guys! I am soooooo sorry about how long this took. Between writer’s block and my fear of it sucking, I was just struggling for a while. This is my first attempt at writing for Ben so if it’s bad, I’m sorry! He’s a more complex character to nail in writing and hopefully I’ll get better at it over time. Anyway, hope you enjoyed!

• —– ٠ tag list: @roseblue373 @mrsjenniferwinchester @stillhere197 @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @aylacavebear @ladysparkles78 @globetrotter28 @jc-winchester ✤ ٠ —– • ·

[apollosdaydreams]

Let Me In

Lando Norris x Reader

Summary: You are dating Lando Norris, you love him don’t get me wrong but sometimes he can be a bit forgetful. Lando loves to game when he's not busy with racing, often streaming while he plays. When he streams it's like the outside world doesn't exist. You were coming over and you had forgotten your keys to his place, and Lando had his phone on silent. 

Warnings: None fluff, adult language. I have no clue how twitch works so sorry if i get that wrong.  

Word Count: 590

You were currently standing outside Lando’s apartment, you had forgotten your keys and were waiting for him to answer his phone. As time went by you realized that he wasn't going to answer his phone. So you went on twitter and saw that lando was streaming on twitch. You sighed out loud and rolled your eyes. Mumbling on how forgetful he can be when you put a screen in front of his face. 

“Fucking I-Pad kid” You mummbled to you self, while slightly laughing at your situation, of course this would happen to you. It wasn't even Lando’s fault, you had forgotten the keys. 

While standing outside his door thinking what to do, you decided that you should see if he would see your comment. So you downloaded twitch and made an account. You then looked up his account and followed him, you clicked on the live and waited. Nothing happened. So you decided that the next best thing was to subscribe, so you put in your credit card info and then it went through. You then saw that you could add a message. On the screen it read “y/n y/l/n has subscribed! Please let me in Lando. :)” 

“Oh shit!” Lando said while laughing. “My girlfriend! She's on twitch telling me to open the door!” I'll be back guys. You laughed to yourself and stood there waiting. You then saw the door opening. You pretend to look mad, but that only lasted about a second before you both bursted out laughing. 

“I'm sorry baby.” He said while hugging you and pulling you into the apartment. 

“It's fine lands, it's my fault anyway I'm the one who forgot the keys.” You told him.

“But I should have been looking at my phone.” He said, while walking back to his streaming room. 

“Lando, look at me. It's fine. It's my fault, honestly it's actually hilarious.” You told him while laughing. “You better get back to you steam babe, don't want to keep them waiting for too long.” You said. 

“I'll be done soon love.” He said, before he left he kissed you and then went back into his streaming room. 

You decided to have fun watching him on your phone, as you had to pay, better put it to good use. You sat in the living room on the couch, waiting for Lando to be done streaming. 

“Sorry guys, I'm back.” Lando said. “My girlfriend was locked out of my apartment, so I had to go save her.” He said. “She had to subscribe to me!” He laughed. “I gained a subscription so I'm happy!”

You laughed out loud at this, you didn't realize how loud you laughed until you heard Lando addressing you on the stream. “Sorry guys, that was my girlfriend.” He said with the biggest smile on his face. After a few minutes of his staying on Twitch, he told the viewers that it was time for him to go hang out with you, his girlfriend. You turned off your phone and saw him walking into the living room.

“Hi baby.” He said while flopping down on the couch, his head laying in your lap. You moved your hand to his head, running your hand through his curls. 

“Hey lands.” 

“I'm sorry.”

“Lando, if you say sorry one more time I'm going to leave.” you jokingly said. “Don't feel sorry, it’s my fault I'm the idiot who forgot my keys.” 

“I love you so much,” Lando said.

“You are sleeping on the couch tonight.” You said. 

I hope you guys enjoyed this, it would be greatly appreciated if you would like, comment and repost this!! Sorry about the end it was kinda rushed. Sorry for not posting much, I'm busy with college but Thanksgiving break is happening soon, so I hope to write a lot during that time. If you guys have any ideas for me, my requests are still open!! 

Request Guidlines 

© 2023 on tumblr apollosdaydreams do not translate/remake/repost my works in any platform without authorized permission.

[untoldstar]

male yandere! streamer x gn! fan reader

feeding your parasocial relationships🫶

was tempted to make him a username called masonjar but whateves let’s just stick to a classic name.

got inspired by the post I saw by @blood-smiles !

warnings: parasocial relationship (kinda from both sides) jealousy, yandere themes, obsessive behavior.

Mason was an insanely popular streamer the type to have both guys and girls fawning over him, edits of him with people thirsting over his good looks but despite the sheer amount of fans he had, you took the liberty of naming yourself his biggest fan.

somehow you ended up being noticed by him, it started with him noticing you in his streams and comments and then seeing you in every single one of his meet-and-greets. Always wearing his merchandise, your account only had a select few pictures of yourself that drowned in all the posts that centered around him. He couldn't help getting curious, you were just so loyal and obsessed with him that he thought it was adorable.

he started chatting with you, the way you freaked out when he messaged you was so cute, he had a grin stretched on his face the entire time. Because of his active interaction with you you became known to his other fans and gained popularity.

he was having thought of meeting up with you frequently, maybe even a few collabs..this could be a big break for both of you!

but as time went by it seemed like you were just...moving on.

you didn't interact with his socials as much anymore, missed more streams than the ones you watched, even your content started to stray further away from him. You either didn't post as much or you were posting about other low-stream influencers who didn't even compare to him. He was popular, good looking, and skilled. Everyone on the internet loved him and you were lucky enough to get noticed by him and you're just throwing it away?!

he knows it's silly and that he shouldn't care but you were his loyal fan..did it mean nothing?!

truly you were moving on, Mason has a special spot in your heart but your interests were changing. It was a habit of yours where you get obsessively hyper-fixated on something or someone and then hop on to the next thing.

you didn't do anything wrong you honestly thought Mason forgot your existence but the spam messages that filled up your inbox later proved that that is far from the truth.

Mason: so what you just got bored of me huh?

Mason: you were drooling over me just two weeks ago and now you're over here praising someone else?!

Mason: answer me

Mason: why aren't you answering me?!

Mason: are you too busy obsessing over a new guy to even send a text back?

his jaw clenches and his hand shakes from the tight grip he has on his phone as he almost burns a hole into the damn thing from staring at the screen so hard while waiting for you to see your messages.

he gets fed up and sets his phone down and put on his headphones getting ready to start the stream.

he acts normal in front of the camera but his eyes keep sliding down to the comments trying to find you there. He tries to mask it by reading and replying to other people's comments even though he doesn't truly care.

he only wants your eyes to watch him.

your praise.

your devotion.

surely you'll come back to him..won't you?

[descendant-of-truth]

This was presented with a very whimsical tone and I enjoyed it for that but also. it's such a specific side effect that I can't not analyze it

Like, on principle it makes perfect sense. Give an already fast and energetic character who talks to himself all the time a boost to his abilities, and he becomes twice as chatty to compensate.

But his external monologue has never taken the form of a conversation between two people before, and in a show that's all about having alternate versions of the same character, that's worth taking note of. Especially since this started after he was given energy from the Paradox Prism, the thing that presumably made all of those alternate versions to begin with.

(And even more especially since the show already played around with the idea of there being two Sonics only a few episodes ago with the existence of Chaos Sonic)

So, the other oddity regarding this whole thing is how one side is consistently just. uncharacteristically mean and deadpan towards the other?? I showed one example earlier, but there's two more, and that accounts for almost every instance of Sonic talking to himself in this form

Sonic's never really talked to anyone like this before, not even himself. It almost comes across like an emulation of Shadow more than anything else, which is just. so bizarre?? Especially when Shadow's literally right next to him in the last scene, and thus he has no need to substitute his presence.

In fact, he seems to catch himself and stops doing the self-banter thing entirely as soon as Shadow acknowledges him doing it

And he looks surprised when Shadow speaks, too, like he already forgot that other people can hear him. It really comes off like he's in his own little world, and again, this is a show about multiple worlds, so it's pretty fitting.

I'm not letting Shadow's phrasing off the hook, either - "a Sonic," hm? As if there's more than one?

Even Sonic gets confused about how many of him there are, which has quite the loaded implication for how short of a moment it is; something that could describe everything about this form, honestly.

It all gives me this impression that we're not quite done with this concept of there being multiple Sonics, or at least not done with this form being used in general. There's a lot of potential in what they've already set up for it, and I'd love to see it explored further.

Plus, this one frame of Sonic after he first gets it still gives me the impression that there's something... off about it

And I want to know what that something is

[copperbadge]

[ID: A poster ad in the Chicago subway for Taskrabbit; it reads "You're never gonna hang that up; never gonna take that down" followed by "Mounting & More" and the Taskrabbit text logo.]

For a subway ad there's...a lot going on there.

I again don't have photos of the work I did this morning so I thought I'd share that ad; funny to get rickrolled waiting for my train. I've been working on sorting bins to go to storage again, and honestly I expected this to take all week but I think I've got most of it completed. I still have a bin I need to sort through but that one is likely not to go to storage anyway; it's what I call my "trauma box" because originally it was a box of stuff from my last job, which I forgot existed for six months after leaving the job (somewhat traumatically). Realistically it's now just a massive bin of odds-and-ends I don't know what to do with, but most of them need to either be donated, thrown out, or stashed somewhere in the condo. There's also a full bin of paperwork I need to sift through -- old grad school notes, scrapbooks I need to digitize, and a collection of Marvel Comics trading cards I should probably take to a card store and see if I can sell.

Still, this morning I packed up my camping gear and grill bag, pulled down the bag of summer clothes I packed up earlier, and emptied out one of the two "sort through" boxes so now they're all in one box. I cleared out the other "under bed" storage box (the new plastic ones should arrive this week!) and set aside some more clothes to donate and put another few loads into the laundry to wash.

Probably for the best I topped up my account with the laundry room last month...

I'm pleased I kind of got back to "limit by podcast" levels of work -- I listened to the latest Criminal episode, "The Reverend", and I was just starting to feel a little scattered and overwhelmed as it ended, so I stopped for the day. I'll still need to change over the laundry and fold it and figure out what to do with some of it, but at least that's all I have left to do, and I don't have to worry about finding more.

[edennill-archived]

In which I puzzle over metaphysical implications as regards the peoples inhabiting Arda

fyi, a certain familiarity with the (predominantly Christian, I think) concept of fallenness/unfallenness is assumed, although it turns out that it doesn't necessarily work here. Feel free to ask for clarifications

So. I'm once again wracking my head as I try to make sense of what I shall call: 'metaphysical states' of elves, men and others, because the subject is emphasised and lampshaded a lot in the books, and I can't force it all to make sense when taken together.

Ainur are a specific case and I should really leave them aside for now. They certainly can fall — and, unlike angels, change their mind, apparently (which goes both ways) — although they do seem to be more all-or-nothing than everyone else. Still, I think as long as one doesn't go into the implications of time and what its existence or nonexistence changes, they're almost straightforward. But then you have:

Elves. The 'Fall of the Noldor' is very strongly emphasised as a metaphysical fall from grace and further evils, even ones unconnected with the matter of the Silmarils themselves, are blamed on it later (Maeglin!) So far so good. Except. Non-Noldor are also liable to behave in ways that are not exemplary in the slightest, and it doesn't seem to signify a cesura in the same way — and the Noldor in Valinor were able to commit acts that perhaps weren't as heinous as what we call crimes, but weren't good either. Getting into rancid fights with your brother isn't much in comparison, but these are not the actions of unfallen people.

And on the other hand, authorial quote (paraphrased): "Elves in some ways represent Man in an unfallen state". And I'm inclined to agree: they aren't subject to death (except they may be killed, so doesn't this already break down?), and there is something very poignant in the image of their artistry, "extempt from earthly limitations". But they do not lose it, not in any easily tangible way. We can argue that evil diminishes creativity and it's probably true, but there is no hard line anyone passes. And this is again lampshaded in-world with the Númenoreans ("If we die because of some darkness that lay on us before, than why don't the Noldor?").

Which brings us to Men. The existence of a direct cause-effect relationship between fallenness and mortality in Arda cannot be ascertained (Even taking into account a Catholic framework, I feel that logically it need not be the same relationship as the Biblical one since, in contrast with the Garden of Eden, the world was already marred when humans appeared). While I consider the Tale of Adanel to be Gondorian in origin, I can also see the possibility that whatever Men did back then, beyond memory (or in other words "we purposefully forgot") was just that much worse than Alqualondë and the Oath. In any case, Man is very straightforwardly Fallen.

Hobbits. The rules for Halflings are presumably the same as for Men, which is certainly notable, given that they seem to be the least inclined to evil of all incarnates. Not perfect, not by a long shot, but unknowing of wars and violence. A pastoral image, only in-world it's true.

And at the same time, my musings bring me to the unexpected conclusion that dwarves are the only notable "generally unfallen" kindred. Which is, in context of everything that regards them, weird — because by their actions, they are very similar to Men. And yet — either the circumstances of their creation make them disadvantaged from the start (which doesn't really make that much sense), or something happened off-screen, or it's the same case as Saeros, or Thingol sending Beren to his death.

Ents? I honestly don't know if we've seen enough of ents to judge, although they seem generally good-inclined? Huorns are a different kettle of fish.

Before I try to explain orcs, it would do well to know what they are exactly.

In other words, I cannot make sense of it all, enough that I've resorted to calling the default state of incarnates in Arda "semi-fallen" (or, as is, "semi-unfallen"). Which is not a thing that makes sense, philosophically speaking — but I can find no better way.

(Although, to be quite honest, the default state of being in Arda (because of the discord?) seems to be significantly different from the unfallen state of Man as described by religious thinkers in some ways, and not all of them regard merely such things as physical marring, so perhaps "semi" isn't the worst way to describe it.)

In any case, if someone has thoughts on the subject, I'm very open to hearing them.

[traegorn]

So Remember You Can Find Me Elsewhere...

I love Tumblr, and plan to stay here until the lights turn off or they make me leave -- but honestly I'm always nervous about the future of this platform. So I thought I'd remind you guys that I exist elsewhere online.

My own websites:

First off, I've been maintaining my own website since 1996 and I have a blog there that I started in 2001 when I was twenty and working retail. It is, for better or for worse, the most "me" place online. It has three different domains -- trhonline.com, traedorn.com and traegorn.com -- but they're all the same site. You can always find me and my stuff there.

I'm also part of a collective of creators called Nerd & Tie, which started out as a podcast network but has been branching out into other media. And it, of course, has a site.

I have other websites like Peregrine Lake's site or BS-Free Witchcraft's, but those two places will always function as central hubs for what I (or we) are currently doing. Also, we have independent forums for Nerd & Tie where folks can talk to each other without a corporate overlord collecting data or ads ever appearing (I put ads on my sites -- but not on the forums).

But now on to other social networks and sites I don't run:

First off, my Patreon. Obviously there are perks for my paid membership, but free members can get some updates here, so if you have an account, why not follow for free?

But also I'm on other sites to varying degrees -- so here's the list:

Finally, besides the forums I mentioned earlier, Nerd & Tie has a Discord you can join where I can always be found.

And that's it pretty much? I probably forgot something, but that's it for now.

[joshybearhuggies]

Omgosh, it’s only been a million years since I’ve been on here! Honestly I 100% forgot this account existed until yesterday when a fellow collector, doll crocheter and general good vibe tagged me in their w.I.p. of my first crochet tutorial. I’m so happy they did because I might have a task for this lil account.

See, I like to ramble about my dollies and latest projects but I usually refrain because I get this weird vibe that there just isn’t a space for it. Instagram (where I’m at mostly) is already loud with reels and music… Flikr (my all time favorite photo sharing platform) seems a little too quiet. Like I’m yelling into a void. So….. perhaps Tumblr could be different. Or at the very least a place I can come and spill all my thoughts about the things I love.

here we go….

What have I been up to?… suuuuch a loaded question 😂 I don’t think I can really answer in a way where it isn’t confusing.

Uuuummmm…. Well, I’ve been crocheting! Just yesterday I was gifted yarn and a big box of scrap booking supplies by a co-worker. In all of this was this indescribable fuzzy yarn… first gander I took made me both excited and scared 😅…. But I whipped up the first row of stitches and thought, this could be the best lil doll rug ever, so that’s what I made!

Dead simple rectangular swatch, worked up with a half Double Crochet and a heck of allot gumption….. you can NOT see your stitches. Bless.. I enjoyed myself…. I think 😂😅

I’ve also Got myself a Dollfie Dream Karin! A doll I’ve wanted for years but never got because I was convinced I wasn’t the vinyl doll collector 😩…. Oh the lies we tell ourselves.

I’ve named her ✨Kanami✨ 🥰 and she’s the sweetest lil thing! I adore her big green eyes and I like having her around. She makes me feel good.

….. I have to find a way to end this post so I guess I’ll say one last bit about the doll I have incoming this month…. A massive…. Child sized… Dollmore Trinity! The Dark Jude! Oooooh I can NOT wait! I’ll update when she arrives but here’s some stock photo goodness of this goddess, bye doll people 😇❤️❤️❤️❤️

[iloveyurirah]

Punch Out boxers using Tiktok! (headcanons)

—

Glass Joe

• Would be active for a few days before eventually forgetting about the app.

• Reviews restaurants for content and a lot of people tease him for being French.

• Would either have decent followers or just a small account.

—

Von Kaiser

• Was there just to watch videos before making content after seeing a handful of it.

• He shows off his boots, training, and talks commentary. He didn't like showing his military stuff though, reminds him of the past.

• People expect thirst traps from him and he's honestly, seriously, GENUINELY denying every single request.

• Also forgot he had the app LMFAO

—

Disco Kid

• Is still very much active on Tiktok.

• Is always up on trend, especially the ones where you DANCEEEE

• Comments from him are mostly compliments and uses the "slaayyy", "girl" typing style. Very outdated.

• Shows selfies sometimes, just sometimes.

—

King Hippo

• Watches a lot of animal videos on the app.

• Often uses someone else's phone for watching.

• Accidentally posts a picture of himself and has those random ass sounds(Jax Vs. Skibidi Toilet Edging Battle!!!!)

—

Piston Hondo

• Would deny using it at first, but eventually gives in. He enjoys using the app.

• Mostly used his account for commenting and watching. Likes giving people advices.

• He wins a lot of arguments.

• Probably has like 2 accounts, the other one being banned.

—

Bear Hugger

• Has an account with 10 followers.

• Defo tries to do mukbangs but fails almost miserably???

• Eventually moves to showing off his fellow animal friends.

• Likes responding back to comments. Especially when they're making conversation with him.

• Bio is "I like raw fish"

—

Great Tiger

• He makes videos about his magic and people think it’s CGI which offends him.

• Responds to hate comments a LOT. Spends most of his time on Tiktok to reply to them.

—

Don Flamenco

• Vlogs in a lot of places and records them.

• Likes showing off his dance skills and good looks.

• Loves the attention he gets so much.

• The comments thirsting for him make him.. a little uncomfy(VERY LOYAL TO CARMEN!!!!)

—

Aran Ryan

• A big-ass hater

• Posts hate comments, videos, his whole being on Tiktok is about being a hater and complains a lot. For fun.

• Yells in videos he posts.

• None of the boxers want to follow him (HELP, maybe except for Lil Mac)

—

Soda Popinski

• He doesn’t even know Tiktok exists.

• Although tiktok knows about him, he probably gets edits made about him and he’s genuinely unaware of them.

—

Bald Bull

• HATES the camera, absolutely. Doesn't like recording himself as well.

• Doesn't bother using the app at all.

• He always ask the other boxers on why they keep using the app, more offensively.

—

Super Macho Man

• Posts a shit ton of videos just flexing his body.

• Always has his bitches in the videos to 'prove' something (nothing)

• Posts thirst traps but everyone is roasting him in the comments. He's obviously not happy about this. (Aran MIGHT be the troll)

• Responds to hate comments with something that revolves around him being better.

—

Mr. Sandman

• Is actually civilized and does not cause drama. He's chill.

• Posts videos of him training from time to time, but is mostly on the app for.. YOU GET IT. JUST WATCHING.

• Reposts DAILY.

—

Little Mac

• Too young for Tiktok.. :( (JAYKAY)

• Average Tiktok user, follows all of the boxers despite some of them just hating on him.

• Another commenting enjoyer, mostly on the boxers' posts.

• Reposts a lot of memes and shows them to Doc Louis (some of them he doesn't understand)

[jilyawards]

I think people have legitimate concerns about the awards since every year there seems to be some kind of drama that often results in people leaving the fandom.

The responses to these anons have been passive aggressive and defensive and have only fuelled the flames without taking into account the history of these awards and the ways people have been hurt by them before. You might be new to running the awards, but the awards have a long history that honestly hasn't always been good.

As mods you're hiding behind anonymity, which I understand considering the hate that the mods have received in the past, but it does add to the level of distrust around the awards and if you're so scared of getting hate about a project that you won't put your name to it, isn't that a sign that maybe it's time to let that project go?

It also means I don't feel like I can send you a message that's not anon because I don't know who I'm speaking with and there's no opportunity for open discourse.

We understand people have had issues with how the awards were run in the past - that is an unfortunate fact we inherited when we took ownership of the blog. We can not change the past. We can only operate in the present so we did all we could within our power to make it as fair and fun a process as we possibly could:

We turned the awards blog into a year round thing, we accepted any fic that came in so long as it was Jily. We posted those recs every single month without fail.

We offered the ability to opt out - something that has been used historically - so anyone who wanted to opt out for whatever reason could. We said we didn’t need a reason, we didn’t ask for one because we respect peoples opinions and want to opt out. We even extended the branch to those who opted out last year but hadn’t messaged in this year to say they wanted to opt out again just in case someone forgot.

We offered even more categories for the chance at more opportunities to be named - so that those who write long vs short fics weren’t overshadowed. I will stand and name myself as one of the people running this year if it puts and end to this unnecessary back and forth with an anonymous person or persons. You are welcome to come and DM me.

I Ray, @charmsandtealeaves have been doing my best for this fandom for the better part of the past two years.

I’m sorry if you read our response as passive aggressive. I’ve stated that we wanted to be firm on our stance so you can interpret that as defensive if you want - because of course as one of the people behind the scenes doing all the admin hours I obviously think this venture is worthwhile. I haven’t won an award but I did enjoy the experience of seeing nominations and hyping up my friends. Which is why I stepped up when Ava left. I haven’t been around long enough to know the years of fandom drama and history behind a silly little awards thing, or who has apparent beef with whom - and frankly I don’t care. I’m here to read, write and share Jily fic.

The anon expressed concerns about people’s mental health over not winning. Mental health is a genuine concern and I am a massive advocate for it. However, I still believe if you only exist to create to win one of these awards then you’re creating for the wrong reason. And if you are upset because you weren’t nominated for an award - there is the option to nominate yourself and always has been because nominations are anonymous we don’t release how many times someone was nominated because that doesn’t matter it only takes one - if not being nominated is enough to leave the fandom over it… then I’m sorry but that’s something you personally need to work on and maybe you should start seeing this (being writing fic) for what it is - a hobby done for free and for fun.

I continued the anonymity left by Ava for this exact reason. Because no matter if I say so publicly or not there are going to be people who have strong opinions against the awards and they are entitled to them, and they are entitled not to participate. They are not however, entitled to keep sending messages that we shouldn’t exist because of something that happened years ago and because some don’t think they should exist at all. And I didn’t want that in my personal inbox but also understood that anonymous asks let people ask questions they might be too shy to ask public facing so they stayed on over here.

I’ve been the public face behind a lot of events over the last two years and that hasn’t stopped me getting anonymous messages about how I’m doing it all wrong. Or quite frankly worse ones that were derogatory and personal.

I’ve done what was asked. I addressed the concerns that came in the form of an anonymous ask politely and respectfully given this year’s history. I offered a poll as requested. If you read that response as passive aggressive well… that’s down to your interpretation. I’ve had enough of drama. And from all I’ve seen the drama stems from something I wasn’t even around for and has nothing to do with me, or how the awards have run this year. It has nothing to do with our current existence and the effort I’ve put in this year - both to the Jily awards all year, the gift exchange, Jilytoberfest, every Jilychallenge, Mystery Microfic May, jilymicrofics and the discord.

At the end of the day I’m here writing because I love Jily and I love all the people who come to read and enjoy what I put out too. But I will admit I’m tried of whatever this is.

If you want to, as you say have open discorse, my inbox is there, but I’ve said my piece and I respect their are different opinions but that’s not gonna change the awards being held this year. All posts are tagged so you can block them or this blog if you like. ~ Ray

[byizoyas]

© byizoyas. [ art credit to: liann1009 ]

love & hate as a pair. scaramouche x gn!reader [ sfw. modern + roommates au; enemies to lovers. hurt/comfort ]

⤻ back to: event masterlist | word count: 4,1k.

⤻ a/n. thank you all, once again for 350!! this account is growing everyday and i rlly crave for more interactions with y’all. i hope you will enjoy this fic. childe next ehe

‘i’m hosting a little party at the apartment tonight.’

the expression of disgust slowly forming on his face mixed to the way he directly crossed his arms spoke for him.

he hated the idea, and he was pretty quick to say it too. but as you were about to argue back, saying how it was a shared apartment and not his, he spoke up again, cutting you off.

‘it’d better be clean by tomorrow.’

you frowned at his words. you had made an entire conversation in your mind the whole day before you told him. you planned any arguments he’d have to say and what to reply. you truly expected his reaction to be more hostile, but in the end he simply.. agreed ? no requests nor remarks ?

it was so unlike him, who always seemed to have something to reproach you. the way you sometimes let the door of your room opened, the way you brought friends without warning. yeah he definitely hated living with you, and he usually didn’t mind making it clear to you. but not this time, and well you weren’t going to complain about the sudden change of behavior.

it was probably exceptional you thought. just as he got up, ready to leave the library he had been studying in before you arrived and you couldn’t help but ask.

‘why did you agree so easily ? to reproach me something else later mh ?’

you weren’t that arrogant usually, but he had this vibe around him and the look in his eyes, as if he was barely listening to you that made it too hard to handle without saying anything.

you definitely despised his attitude. there could be worse roommates in the world you thought, but you’d exchange them all against that one guy if anyone suggested it to you, because he knew exactly how to piss you off and sometimes you even asked yourself whether he didn’t enjoy it.

‘what ? i don’t care about you’ he giggled. he didn’t seem to find the situation funny, so you easily deduced he was mocking your sudden confidence. indeed, you made it all about yourself right now but you didn’t really think before you spoke.

‘i’m not home tonight. do as you please, but i don’t want anyone in my room.’

‘of course.’

‘good. bye stupid.’ he walked away, throwing his backpack over his shoulder and had turned his back on you when you raised your middle finger at him.

you sure despised him. but you were still well educated, and it was an evidence that you weren’t going to let anyone enter his privacy without his consent.

the rest of the day passed by quite fast and you didn’t see him again. you didn’t even ask where he went. not that you cared, but well, perhaps he found it a bit impolite of you.

or perhaps he already forgot your existence.

but these thoughts quickly faded away when your phone lightened. you had a few notifications; all from lumine. she looked stunning for the party tonight, and she asked what time she was supposed to be coming.

you didn’t host parties really often so you didn’t even know what to tell her, instead letting her the choice. she sent a bunch of emoticons when announcing she was leaving her place to join yours right now.

you confirmed it was okay, while walking towards the elevator only to find a paper sticked on the doors that made you heave a long, deep sigh.

not working. please use the stairs

you were living on the tenth floor, and it honestly tired you only to think of the amount of stairs you’d have to climb to get home.

you took a look at your watch.

8pm.

you finished classes late today, and all you craved right now was a warm shower, and finding back your bed after the long day. but since you had several guests, you wouldn’t be able to go to sleep before late in the night and you knew it.

you didn’t even remember the reason you invited so many people at your place to party because you didn’t know most of them since you told your friends to bring their friends.

but the reason of that party was still fresh and clear in your mind.

he would be there, the guy you’ve been having a slight crush on had confirmed his presence a few days ago and it genuinely made you happy. however, now that it was in a few hours and depriving you from sleeping, you hated your own idea.

but it was way too late to cancel, especially since your friend had gotten herself so fancy to spend the night at your place.

you stopped thinking about this when arriving on the tenth floor, in front of your apartment. you slid your key in the lock of the door but since it couldn’t fit entirely, scaramouche probably got home before you.

‘ugh, you did it again ! open the door asshole.’ you shouted while hitting on the door repeatedly.

you didn’t care whether he was busy or not, he sometimes had his earphones on and couldn’t hear you knocking like crazy and it did happen once or twice where you were stuck out of your apartment because of this. so naturally, you didn’t have the patience to deal with this anymore.

‘what are you doing ?’ his voice spoke from behind you, making you jump.

his eyes fixed on your face were clearly judging you and the way you probably seemed insane from another perspective than yours.

‘w-what are you..? who’s inside ?’ you whispered, quite confused after you insulted him who was actually innocent all this time…

just as you asked, a woman opened the door, and crossed her arms against her chest.

‘good evening y/n.’

mrs ningguang, the owner of the apartment you both were renting was standing in front of you, a bit confused as to what just happened. she crossed her arms and greeted scaramouche with a nod, to which he responded the same way.

‘my apologies for this incident y/n. i had something to see with scaramouche about his contract, so he allowed me to come in with my own keys.’

she did seem genuinely sorry about her mistake, but the way she looked at you two as if suspecting something quickly made you uncomfortable.

it only happened a few seconds before she spoke up again, interrupting the heavy era surrounding the three of you that quite started to become suffocating at this point.

‘please come in, i wouldn’t want to bother.’

after that scaramouche was the first one to do so. you were staying unmoving, overthinking about everything and didn’t even notice her silhouette fading away inside your apartment, leaving both of you on the corridor.

scaramouche turned around, facing you, his brows pinched together and his face wearing that usual playful, mocking look you hated.

‘idiot. is making a fool of yourself the only thing you’ve mastered in your life ?’ his arrogant smile and giggles pissed you off, but before you got the chance to add anything, he had joined ningguang already.

they were both talking in the kitchen when you joined your room, throwing your stuff on your bed before laying down on it. god you hated him. he despised you and it was reciprocal. your hate towards each other was evident but you couldn’t help that strange feeling overwhelming you.

ningguang said they had something to check about his contract. was he leaving ? no way. his year in college wasn’t over yet and since he was studying just before, you knew he was not going to drop school.

did he hate living with you that much ? of course you despised it too. but to leave your place only because of him seemed quite impossible to you. and in all honesty you wished it was the same to him because it became a part of your routine by now, and imagining not having his mockery everyday seemed impossible to you.

‘why am i even worrying, i should be satisfied.’ you said to yourself. and if you were honest with yourself, a part of you was indeed satisfied but you couldn’t help but wonder : why did he hate you that much ?

because as much as he, was mean to you; you, had always been kind to him from the very beginning only starting to stop your little attentions and efforts to get to know him after he pushed you away several times.

you already lived in the apartment when he joined and since there was only two rooms, he had been your only roommate for a few months now.

you remembered the day he joined was sunny, a great day in perspective and he had somehow managed to ruin it to you. you had knocked on his door as he was organizing his room and his stuff.

‘do you want some ? i always drink some when it’s hot outside’ probably were the first words you’ve addressed him, handing out a glass of your personal favorite drink.

‘no thanks. close the door behind you please.’ he had said back then. he definitely made it clear from the very beginning, how he had no intention of dealing with you.

and even today, he never changed his mind over the past months of living together. but you got used to it, and in the end, you showed him the same appreciation he showed you.

after a bit of overthinking and plunging back into your memories, you finished dressing up. you looked super good, as if overthinking while preparing yourself was a necessary step in your beauty routine.

you could hear ningguang about to take her leave, and as much as you hated to do this you couldn’t help but eavesdropping after hearing her question.

‘is the cohabitation not going well ?’

you couldn’t reproach it to her the way she asked it, with a bit of worry in her voice as she spoke to him after she heard you acting crazy while throwing insults at him earlier.

but if only she knew he was the one who was super mean with you.

‘no. everything’s fine.’ he only said and they exchanged last goodbyes. you left your room right after she left.

‘why did you lie ?!’

‘i didn’t, leave me al-‘ he started to say before suddenly stopping himself with little to no explication about it.

‘so you’re leaving ? as if i was the insufferable one out here.’ you stated before giggling, you were obviously a bit offended but you were certainly off topic judging by the expression on his face.

‘i’m not leaving ?’ he said right away.

he was unmoving, his brows furrowed and his eyes not able to detach themselves of you.

‘what ? you thought you’d be getting rid of me ?’ you weren’t sure, but pretty much caught a hint of hurt in the way he asked this.

‘hell if i care’

he approached slowly.

‘you would miss me ?’ he asked. his voice was low and softer than the usual, yet his eyes reflected the same playfulness than before.

he was pretty close to you now and grabbed your chin, turning your face to the left. you had absolutely no idea what he was up too because he was not often —not to say never— initiating physical contact with you.

‘don’t wear this. it’s ugly.’ he said, grabbing your earring and putting it right into your hand.

‘what are you-‘ you started to say. your eyes were looking right into his, desperately trying to find the meaning of this but the aggressive sound of the doorbell cut the moment you were sharing.

lumine was there. and since she was on her way up to the tenth floor you were located in, scaramouche left with no answers to your questions. he only grabbed his jacket and walked past the door, waving goodbye.

‘have fun, ugly.’

he did say this, but the way his eyes couldn’t stop staring at you just before, said otherwise.

you sure would confront him later about this. acting so weird and then leaving was definitely not going to be left unquestioned. but for now, you had to organize your living-room for it to be able to welcome all of your invites.

your room was cleaned and tidied already. you were not planning to lend it to anyone though, but we never know.

‘you’re gorgeous y/n !’ lumine shouted, taking her phone off her pocket suggesting you’d take a photo before everyone arrives.

you ended up taking plenty of them and you looked so good in every single picture.

you finally managed to chose one and posted it on your social media. you weren’t posting lots of stuff, but you looked really good on this one and wanted to share it.

surprisingly, your instagram story had already several views despite your account not being followed by lots of people. and you couldn’t help but widen your eyes when seeing the first account commenting in your dms.

sc4ramouchh_ : followed my orders i see. i like it better.

there was obvious rudeness in his message, as if he didn’t try to hide it. yet, it still brought a slight smile to your face that you quickly hid before your friend asked more questions. perhaps because, for once, his interaction wasn’t punctuated by an insult.

sc4ramouchh_ : still ugly tho.

yeah you found it weird too, rolling your eyes and only sending him a middle finger emote as a response. you ended up turning off your phone for the rest of the night. you definitely wouldn’t let that hateful guy ruin it to you in any way.

‘shall we put on some music ?’’ lumine asked, showing off her phone and her playlist entitled ‘lumine’

‘you have a playlist named after yourself ?’ you only found to ask. and she giggled ‘i’m sharing my account with my dumb twin brother.’ she replied. ‘and he listens to shitty old rock songs.’

in the end you played a random playlist from a stranger, waiting for people to come. and they weren’t so long to join y’all.

your friends finally made their way and you could definitely say the party was a great success; if it was not for your crush who had not arrived yet. at this point you even asked yourself if he would, but you were too busy dancing, drinking and chatting to really think about it.

‘drinking games ?’ a voice spoke up over the crowd.

you looked around you. the lights were shut down so you didn’t see where the suggestion came from. you knew some of the people and didn’t know the other half so you had to admit you weren’t particularly comfortable with the idea of sharing a drinking game with strangers.

but lumine took your hand in hers, interlocking your fingers. ‘let’s play together mh ?’

she definitely wasn’t one of your best friends for no reason. she knew you by heart and obviously she realized you were stressed out by both the idea of the game and the idea of refusing to participate which is why she flew to your help immediately.

‘which game ?’ someone asked, and the music volume had been put down a bit.

everyone gathered in the living-room, pushing some objects here and there to find a seat after you told them it was okay.

you were now all sitting down on the floor, some on the sofa, in a circle and finally you got to see the face of the person who suggested the game. she was super pretty, and drawing lots of attention to her but now in a bad way at all, she was simply super charismatic.

‘we’ll be playing never have i ever.’

the loud reactions were betraying everyone’s expectations for it. you knew the game, never played it before but it surely wasn’t so hard to get; right ?

several turns passed before it got to be yours, so you got to see how it was played. players were announcing something they never done, and if you did it, you had to drink.

you were asked to stand up to speak which didn’t make you feel good already, but since it was dark most of people —not to say all of them— had drank, you figured out it’d be okay for you to be honest, because people would not remember it anyway.

and as much as you’ve always been called a loser for this, you felt confident enough to admit it out loud today. because the night was great, and the several people you talked with were super cool.

‘never have i ever.. kissed another person.’

this was it.

the silence that fell upon you after you said this, was more brutal than anything.

they were all keeping silent for a while, looking at you. only the music could barely be heard since the volume had been turned lower.

some took a sip from their drink while staring at you, a judgmental smile on their faces. others simply kept their eyes fixed on you before speaking up their surprise.

‘nah stop your nonsense, say an actual thing.’

‘y/n you’re no fun.’

‘of course they’re not lying, i mean..’ the giggles after that pained you.

it meant nothing and everything at the same time and it fucking hurt to feel so rejected in your own party. these people were no friends of yours, but you sincerely thought they appreciated you and in the end, they came only to have some fun, free alcohol and music and didn’t give a single fuck about you.

of course you weren’t going to expect making dozens of new friends in one night. but you expected some respect, and minimum appreciation because they were in your house and what just happened, made it feel like you were excluded. as if you weren’t in your home anymore.

‘that game is lame.’ someone only said, turning the volume back up and everyone suddenly moved on. but your brain replayed the scene over and over again.

you had lost lumine by now, had no idea where she was so you went to text her, but couldn’t find your phone. surely you had put it somewhere safe because you weren’t naive to the point of trusting every single person that stepped past the front door tonight.

you opened the door to your room, but it was occupied by a random person who was drunk and sleeping and you didn’t have the heart to throw them away.

you closed the door and looked around the room, observing each of them. some were drinking again, their eyes slowly drifting into the void. some were dancing as if energy was never missing. and there was you. alone. at your own party.

your apartment was full and your room busy. you indeed had nowhere to go; and in the end you found yourself forced to go to the only unoccupied place of the apartment; scaramouche’s bedroom.

it was dark.

you had never entered in here before. the decoration was quite basic. a guitar on the right side of his desk, multiple clothes pending, all dark obviously. you stopped looking at everything and only went to sit on the floor, in the corner of the room.

you brought your two hands to your face, hiding it. you felt ashamed. not that you had any reasons to, but you couldn’t help but feeling that way.

the emotional rollercoaster you’ve been experimenting was playing with you in a way you despised.

you heard the door of the room opening slowly, and someone grumbling right after.

‘so you’re here y/n. you could check out your fucking phone sometimes. i was locked outside ! stupid you let your key in the door and i couldn’t enter my own apartment.’

and he kept on complaining over and over again. the idea of him being stuck outside the apartment sounded fun to you because he did it to you several times before. but you weren’t really in a mood for joking.

‘are you even listening to me ?’ scaramouche shouted at you and you heard him kneeling in front of you but you still had your hands hiding your face.

‘mhh’ you didn’t find the strength to speak actual words.

‘hey are you drunk ?’ scaramouche took your wrist, to allow himself to see your face, and his eyes widen to the sight. your eyes were swollen and your gaze empty.

‘have you been crying ? did one of them hurt you ? y/n ?’

you weren’t replying. how could you possibly tell him your true feelings and what had happened when you were so ashamed of it still.

the tears were starting to seriously threaten to fall down. but you weren’t alone anymore in this room that wasn’t yours and there’d be no way you would cry in front of a man, who literally adored to make fun of you for quite anything he could find.

meanwhile they were all partying outside, and that is when you realized; whether you were here or not didn’t count to these people, they simply wanted to get drunk, but they didn’t like you. they obviously didn’t because no one would do this to someone they like.

‘pathetic.’ he grumbled, pushing onto his right hand to help himself getting up from the floor.

that wasn’t the first and certainly not last time scaramouche would call you something mean you thought, so you didn’t even bother replying and since he left the room right after this, you didn’t have time to do so anyway.

few minutes had passed and as if you realized what happened all of a sudden, you allowed yourself to cry, letting some tears fall down on their own. you were staring at the ceiling when you heard the music stop.

it was sudden and brutal.

judging by the various complaining voices you heard, that wasn’t part of their party. yes their, because you weren’t a part of it anymore, not after you decided to lock yourself into your roommate’s room.

after a pretty long moment where you even asked yourself if he would, scaramouche got back.

‘they’re all gone.’

he approached you slowly but didn’t get down at your level this time. he even commanded you to get up, which you did because after all, it was still his room and even though he wasn’t supposed to be there tonight, he had all the rights to throw you away.

‘stop crying y/n, it doesn’t suit you.’

his words were harsh. and yeah he certainly never won the award of the best comforting person ever; but there was something about the way his gaze softened and his voice changed.

his whole being turned out much sweeter than usually.

‘never have i ever felt so humiliated before’ you finally said.

you didn’t know what was with you so that you felt comfortable enough to vent to him. but you definitely needed to talk now. and since lumine had disappeared who knows where, you only had him.

he listened.

and he wiped your tears away. his fingers were soft, and caressing your cheeks gently.

‘never have i ever seen a person like you.’

‘which is.. ?’

his choice of words did confuse you, especially after you thought of earlier on the entry when you were getting ready to welcome lumine and he was about to take his leave.

‘lots of things… everything.’

his voice helped calming yourself down a bit. his words were sometimes messy and also wrongly chosen but the sincerity going with it was saving it all.

the rest of the night passed by, scaramouche offered his bed if you wanted to sleep multiple times but you said you didn’t want him to lose his bed over you only because of the failure that party was.

so instead you spent the night talking and confessing to him about lots of things and it was as if you had a brand new scaramouche with you.

as if it was the same person, but things had changed about him.

his purple eyes were full of tender and barely closing themselves as if wanting to keep looking at you for hours. you were just too beautiful and he was fond of it.

the playfulness and mockery had faded away from his face tonight.

just for tonight, you’d make an effort, you thought. just like he made one probably only after he saw how bad you were feeling.

tomorrow the insufferable roommate would be back.

or perhaps,

scaramouche cared about you enough to stop with all this comedy he played for himself. it was obvious that he did care more than he let it show.

because he listened to you rambling over again on the same subject. because he stayed up all night with the only thought of making you feel better.

and because the way his hand caressed yours the whole night, was everything but friendly.